Friday, August 6, 2010

In the beginning...

In the beginning, there was this girl who decided that a trip to a foreign country for a year would be absolutely fantastic. She worked hard, meet a lot of people and was thereby sent to Sweden.

In truth, I probably should have started this long before now, but I never could get settled down enough to start this. But here goes nothing.

The following is what I have written down over a period time. One is from before I left, to the day I was flying, to the next day. I will post these one at a time. Subsequently, real-time blogs will be posted. So, Live to you from, Sweden, heeeerrrrrrrreeeeeeeessssssssss A BLOG!

July 18th, Calgary

Alrighty. Sweden is less than 11 days away and I figured that now is the time to start blogging about this experience.

I feel like an idiot. First off, I rate it very low that people are going to read this. Second, I doubt that a fair few people even register the fact that I'm leaving. For a year. Whether it has or has not is not my concern. My concern lies more with the third reason why I am an idiot.

Back in September, this sounded like a great idea. Go somewhere in the world, try something new, all that jazz. But reality, now that it has finally settled in, does not feel really well. It feels like this massive weight just landed on my shoulders. That weight hurts, in more than one place. My shoulders now ache, more so than usual, my head hurts a little (packing does that), and my heart is quietly bleeding. But that's alright: Because in exchange, I get an exchange to a country directly across the globe. Regardless of the fact that this exchange, in theory, will be wonderful and exciting and uplifting and something, I still feel some residual idiocy hanging over my head. Deep down, I know that this exchange is going to hurt.

That's a rather cheery being to a blog that is supposed to outline and describe my up and coming adventures. Yet truthfully, I have yet to arrive at a stage that commands my complete and total attention. This stage is known as: Hurry Up and Wait.

Hurry Up and Wait requires two virtues in order to survive. Patience is the first. Patience is what keeps everyone calm. On the surface at least. Underneath that calm exterior is panic. Panic that I'm leaving; panic that ones daughter and sister is leaving; panic that friends are disappearing into the world of forgetfulness; panic panic panic. HOWEVER! With patience, one has the time to deal with any one of the aforementioned fears. Patience also provides the gift of tolerance and understanding. usually. Hopefully. Sorry if I stepped on any toes there....

The second virtue that is required for this uneventful and stressful time is ‘tact.’ This new found skill is the ability to tread in dangerous talks with parents, brothers and sister, and friends without making anyone angry, but still getting what you want. This skill, I have found, has provided me with the foundation of talking about difficult topics and how to bring them up. End of paragraph.

You see what I mean? I have been stuck at this unmoving stage for so long that for the first time, a volcano and I have something in common. It’s like I’m standing at the top of a giant cliff. All I need to do is jump. But I can’t. Not yet.

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